I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
