at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Houston, we have a blender
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
