He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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