saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
