I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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