she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
