we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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