I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Randomize
