Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize