I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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