oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
