Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
