is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
