Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
