WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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