i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Another day, another engagement, another cat
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
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