My room smells like vodka and shame
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
