i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Please don't give away my fajitas
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize