So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
time to smoke my breakfast
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Operation Purity has been aborted
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
