In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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