Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
