Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize