Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize