that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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