I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
