im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
