it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
