Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
