I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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