He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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