walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
