She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
