He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize