a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I can't put those talents on a resume
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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