and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
