At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
