is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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