I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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