yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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