if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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