I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
