The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
