The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
