Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
