I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
