I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
