3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
