we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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