What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
