who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
