Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
