Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
