I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
