It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
