i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
