I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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