Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
