the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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