I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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