I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
The Olympian is in my bed
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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