Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
