your thong is hanging out like whoa
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
