Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
