I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
