you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
