it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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